Then I Was Terrified

But…

So goes the words of Nehemiah. Nehemiah was a prophet. His book is the last book of the Old Testament historical records. It was penned, mostly in first person, in the years 445-432 BC.

If you are like me, you may be facing doubt, hurt, struggle, and pain. The pain may be physical and it could be, like me, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Fear

Fear has no place in our lives, yet for many of us, me included, it either has, or does rule our choices and decisions.

Fear of pain may inhibit us and stop us from attempting anything out of our comfort zone. Fear of loss may cause us to hold far too tightly to those things we have amassed. Fear of being alone may cause us to stay in a horribly bad relationship for far too long.

Fear of those around us shunning or hating us may cause us to compromise our beliefs just to fit it, get along, be accepted; so we go along to our own peril.

Fear of failure will cause many to avoid taking any significant risk with their lives or the gifts God in heaven has bestowed up them.

How do I know about all of the above? Every one of the above has, in one way or another been a part of my life; both in the past, and through these things which I am now dealing.

But…

In the book of Nehemiah, chapter 1 and 2, we get a window into the world of what his life was. He served the king.

Do Not Fear the Storm OR the Mountain

In those days, like even now in some regimes, one must be very careful with words used toward the “king”. For to say the wrong thing, on a bad day, could likely mean jail and/or even death.

Expressing ones thoughts, desires, or feelings toward a king had the very real potential to not go well.

I’d like to share a few thoughts I felt overwhelmed by this morning when going through this story.

“So the king asked me, “Why are you looking so sad? You don’t look sick to me. You must be deeply troubled.”

Then I was terrified, but I replied, “Long live the king! How can I not be sad? For the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.”

The king asked, “Well, how can I help you?”

With a prayer to the God of heaven, I replied…” Nehemiah 2: 2-5

You can find the entirety of the story leading up to and the subsequent dialogue between Nehemiah and the kind in chapters 1 and 2.

What I noted in this set of verses is as follows.

Nehemiah was terrified. Rightly so. But by his own pen he says “BUT”.

“I was terrified…but”

In spite of his fear, he pushed forward and began to answer the king. He ignored his fear and pressed forward in spite of being terrified.

He was open and honest with the king, and unlike so many of us who lie about our true feelings, he spat it out.

Some of us may lie about our real feelings because we feel like no one cares about us. Some of us may lie about our real feelings because we feel like we are placing undue burdens on someone else by expressing them.

Some of us may lie about them because we are playing a game with those asking, hoping they continue to beg us to tell them, giving us some kind of dysfunctional high as in our sick minds their continuing to pester somehow shows their “love” for us.

Some of us may just not want to deal with any of it so we stuff it and say “no reason, all is well” (lies).

In the case of our friend Nehemiah, he, although being very afraid, told the king exactly what was bothering him.

The king clearly had a heart for his friend so he asked him how he could help.

Here’s the crucial part in the story as it spoke to me.

Nehemiah says, before he answered the king, that he prayed. It couldn’t have been a long drawn out thing. It had to be quick, quiet, and just between he and God. “Lord, here we go, help me…”. Something like that.

Yet, if you spend time reading the rest of the story, Nehemiah continued expressing his desires to the king, some, even very boldly all things considered.

The king answered all of them and he and his wife supported Nehemiah all the way. Actually, to me, it’s surprising just how far the king went in doing so.

Chapter 2 ends reminding us that the trouble with Sanballat was brewing. If you know the story you know this was the next step in Nehemiah’s life which would be a thorn. But it ends well.

The Lesson for Me

I was overwhelmed today in this story. I am reminded by the Holy Spirit of all the times God has stepped up when I have reached out, prayed, asked quickly for courage and help. He has always provided it.

In life, I have been terrified.

I was terrified when I presented the offer to buy Jon Anthony Florist to my grandparents. I was terrified when I left after they declined to sell.

I was terrified when I bought the shop I owned in Flint.

I was terrified when moving to a strange land, alone with only my wife and kids, in Florida.

I was terrified of losing my son Levi when he was in the hospital with what they thought was cancer of the colon.

I was terrified of life after Sonja when she left us to marry someone else.

I was terrified the day I had to enter into the bankruptcy court to face what I thought would be a herd of creditors all set to accuse me.

The list goes on.

In all of these, when I asked him, God showed up and gave me divine courage to stand, act, speak, or move forward where required.

This is the short list I might add.

Yet, through all of the terrifying fears, even something as small as being petrified of heights to such a degree that it rendered nearly impossible any hike moderately sketchy with my kids, God has always shown up and given me what has been necessary to stand in the face of the fear and proceed forward.

I forget that sometimes.

Well, if we’re being honest here, I forget that a LOT.

But if I follow the suggestion in God’s word through the story of Nehemiah I must remember two things.

But…

and

I prayed…

In spite of the fear, do the right thing anyway.

Before jumping in, however, ask God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit for the help I need to get it done, to press ahead, to remain resolute in my convictions, commitments, and actions.

rob out