Openly Honest

“An open rebuke

is better than hidden love!

Wounds from a sincere friend

are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Proverbs 27: 5-7

In America, we live in a very dishonest land. A place of lies and half truths. They surround us every day.

This is not the way we are called to live.

I don’t believe it’s in our best interest to live a life of lies.

The world in which we now live I believe is the outcome of 20 or more years of the “Every Child Deserves a Trophy” mentality.

Instead of parents seeing their kids God given gifts and pushing them in that direction, instead of parents speaking the truth to a child when they are less than gifted in a certain area, we instead have chosen in America to adopt the mindset that “If you really wanted to, you could be president of the United States”.

Truth is absent often when it’s needed the most.

This has led us to a place now where men, who are average in a sport, or may even suck at it compared to their counter parts, have figured out, due to the fact that America seemingly has embraced Satan’s model for living in many respects, that they can, in fact simply use America’s unwillingness to speak the truth to each other, and switch over to the girls squad to compete.

Thanks to my roving reporter sister in law for the image

And because America has embraced this Every Child Deserves a Trophy mantra, these poor losers know America will look the other way, in spite of the utter absurdity of it, refuse to speak the truth (and act on it), and in fact, elevate them over the females in the given sport as a true “Hero” of our time.

Well, mostly. There is some pushback, I suppose. At least we are seeing a bit of it now.

This place we find ourselves is indeed the cause and effect principal at work.

If you refuse to speak and honor the truth the only other option is lies and dishonor.

I was speaking with a woman at the gym yesterday who has taken a new job. This job has put her not only in the company primarily of male team members, but many of those team members are international. She recounted a meeting recently with some of them, all French.

She was taken aback a bit over how forthright and straight forward they were in the meeting. Almost offensive in her mind. See, she’s used to dealing with the American way of doing business.

This way of doing business in America is why, in my opinion big Pharma is so successful in their profit making ways.

CS Lewis talks about it in The Screwtape letters regarding “Doctors who Lie and fill us full of promises of life when in truth we are dying”.

Big Pharma plays on Americans desire to hear lies that are sold to them to make them “feel better”. These willing ears doing anything to obtain Pharma’s newest concoctions in order to live forever. Americans are willing to listen with their “itching ears”…so Big Pharma talks and sells it and makes billions off the American desire to embrace lies along with the American desire to live forever.

“For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.” 2 Timothy 4:3

Preach it Paul!

America has fully embraced this desire to hear what it wants to hear regardless of the truth.

Truth tellers are becoming less common, and those who try are impugned and crucified figuratively speaking far too often.

Of all the customers I have enjoyed dealing with in the flower business, the Russians and Ukrainians have been/were my favorites. I say that because I never, ever had to guess at what they may have been trying to say. No, they spoke directly and to the point about how they felt and were feeling. They demonstrate little to no concern over my “feelings” instead operating from a premise of honesty and truth.

I loved that. (Plus, the Ukrainian women I have personally met are all quite beautiful…so there’s that too)

A Ukrainian woman expressed to me when purchasing her wedding flowers last year how very frustrated she was becoming through the process of planning. She confessed that she never really knew whether or not the particular vendor with which she was dealing was honest or could be trusted. “In America, you never REALLY know if you are getting the truth out of someone or if instead they are just telling you what you want to hear in order to get your money.”

She’s spot on. That’s what’s happening all across our country today.

Each of us would do well to shed this desire to soft glove everyone with whom we talk and befriend, and instead speak truthfully and honestly.

This is not to say we need to be rude and purposely insult and berate others. But we should be more willing to speak openly and honestly about our thoughts and feelings. ESPECIALLY in our marriages and families of origin.

We MUST, as spouses STOP being so mother effing sensitive and START allowing our partner the ability to speak their mind without fear of emotional tyranny.

Desolate and Lonely at Petrified Forest National Park

I really believe if in marriages spouses felt safe to really speak their minds, marriages would be SO much happier and fulfilling.

My generation is the generation which has so willingly pushed and embraced this “Every Child Deserves a Trophy” mindset and our children are the worse for it. It’s a crime in my view.

We have been so concerned that our children don’t “hate” us, refusing to embrace the wisdom in the Proverbs above, that wounds can be trusted, we have created a generation of children who are confused, lost, directionless, and living in chaos all the time.

They live petrified of the truth. You see, the truth is actually undeniable. It’s truth after all. They are finding out that no, in fact, they may NOT deserve a trophy for their performance. In fact, they may have actually done a less than stellar job at a task. They are confused when they aren’t doted on or given a proverbial trophy…even though they may suck at what they are doing.

This is a problem. Because they are confused by the truth when physics and reality, the laws of God’s universe surround them, they become horribly depressed, some, even suicidal because, well, to quote one of Jack Nicholson’s best movie lines ever in A Few Good Men, they “CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH”. Truer words have not been spoken.

Consider Jesus.

Can you even imagine what it was like to be in Peter’s shoes when this interaction took place?

“But Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. “Heaven forbid, Lord,” he said. “This will never happen to you!”

Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.” Matthew 16:22-23

I’m even willing to bet this was said in earshot of other disciples as well! How else would Matthew have knowledge of it to write about.

Can you imagine? There’s not a mention of it, but do you think Peter, after hearing this, went and cried in his fishing boat for the rest of the day?

Yet Jesus set the standard.

Another example;

“You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too.

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness.” Matthew 23:26-28

Holy cow man!

The guts of this guy.

Let me attempt to put this into context in our day.

You likely know the Christian type who has a Doctorate. I do. There are some who have the doctorate of theology and you would never know it. There are others, however, who make it a point to be sure that everyone around them understands they have a doctorate. Dr. Bob Smith is on everything they sign, write, or put on paper. Not only that, but they are always introduced as Dr. Bob Smith. They love hearing the Doctor before their name. I really get a kick out of these “theologians” and in my view, frankly, modern day Pharisees who are sure to tell us of their 2, 3, 6, 8 or endless streams of doctorates.

These folks are who I think of in modern times that mirror those whom Jesus hit hard with a truth in Matthew 23:26-28

Can you imagine that today?

Some young 33 year old punk, no formal education, certainly no Masters Degree let alone a Doctorate (or 6). Heck not even a Bachelors degree.

He stands up and gives them some kind of verbal beatdown like he did in that set of verses.

I’m willing to bet the responses today from many of our Doctors of Theology would be the same as it was over 2000 years ago.

“There’s nothing new under the sun” to quote Solomon.

So as I close out I think it so very important the truth is spoken.

People in our lives need to know what our n(yours and mine) true feelings are. They need to know how we feel and more importantly what our expectations are.

We MUST stop being so concerned about being liked and instead be radically concerned with being someone others can trust. I want to be the guy that, while a bit more lonely, a bit less someone that everyone “likes”, the guy who everyone knows speaks his mind and won’t lie or play the game just to be liked. I want to be someone people can trust.

My wife hates me most of the time…but she trusts me as well. She at least knows…she can trust me.

We have to get to a place in our deeper relationships especially that those in our circles know what is coming out of our mouth is the truth as we see it. It is how we really think and feel.

It may not be right and we can discuss the details together to gain a consensus ultimately, but we must speak our true thoughts and feelings.

Jesus was NOT concerned as to whether Peter was offended or may not like him on that day, nor was he concerned that the “Doctors of Theology” of his day would not as well.

His model showed a path to utter loneliness at his end, only to later be glorified as the one who is, as we know him today “The way, the TRUTH, and the LIGHT”

Let me close with a bit of a story from my own life.

It was 2010. My life was falling apart. Recently filed for bankruptcy and my wife of 22.5 year walked out and left our family for another guy leaving us behind. In the angst and struggle and pain through which I was going, I talked some to my brother Ryan.

Ryan hates, literally hates confrontation. Like, a lot. We all do some, but Ryan, from the time we were all little, is calm, peaceful, focused, and someone that prefers peace. He’s a peace maker. Having Rick and I as brothers, almost always killing each other, Ryan, the younger, wanted nothing more, I am sure, than to avoid the madness. He prefers calm and quiet (and the birds in his back yard).

In our discussions as I lamented my grief and sadness he worked his way up to eventually making the obvious known as he saw it.

“You know, uhhhhhh (his code for “I REALLY don’t want to say this) the problem here is this. Sonja is your god. She’s taken the place of god in your life. And not only THAT but YOU want to be HER god to boot.”

Ouch. Boot to the head.

But you know what? He was right. That wound was trusted and that very statement, delivered by the Lord through Ryan I believe, was the literal turning point in my walk toward getting better. That is one of the most memorable times in my entire life, right up there when my friend Robert confronted my sin at one point in our lives together (more on that some other time).

A time where the Patawan was now teaching the Jedi. It stunned me. But it stunned me into reality.

To this day, I remain grateful he had the courage to utter those words to me.

As hard as it may be, baby stepping our way along, we must begin to speak the truth radically, straight forwardly, honestly…from the depth of our hearts.

I believe were we to begin doing so, we would live in a much better world.

rob out

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