“SERENITY NOW!”
Just when I think it’s not worth it to write here any more, someone like my friend Col. U.S. Army Retired Larry Redmond reminds me to keep going over breakfast today. Thanks you Old Dusty Boot. I’m glad God saw fit to bring us together.
~So~
I’m leaving the flower shop tonight after a long, frustrating day.
On my way out I note that Joelle, my wife, has left her water bottle at the shop.
If you follow us you know our water bottles are crucial in our lives.
So….in an effort to help her out, trying to be the good guy that I wish to strive to be, I grab it.
My hands are already full so under my arm it goes.
A little after I note a cool, wet feeling in my pants and down the side of my shirt.
“Well, it’s cold, so I can’t be urinating myself unwittingly…” I surmise, like the confident, all wise, man I like to believe myself to be.
And then it kicks in. “Ahhhhhhhhhh, yes.” (Subtle I.T. Crowd reference).
“It’s not closed…again”.
Like the countless times before; the wet lunch bag, the soaked food, the waterlogged seat of my car, the soaked gym bag, yet again, a soaking ensues.
This has been a years long struggle in our marriage.
The closing of the water bottle.
Guess, just GUESS which bottle is mine!
No matter how I ask, plead, or beg; she either cannot or will not close the water bottle when she drinks from it.
Mind you, it LOOKS closed. However, the cap isn’t fully screwed on. Ever.
You would think by now, I would know. It is not closed. “If you are going to touch it, first close it fully”.
No. My mind is too stupid, perhaps still too trusting to do so.
I want to believe, I long to believe “this time, it will be. She promised me the last soaking it would change”.
Annnnnnndddddd…..it doesn’t.
(It’s like her version of the salt shaker at restaurant tricks we played as kids)
I figure since I have made it a personal challenge to quit cursing and swearing (I’m particularly fond of the “F” word), this is the way Jesus chooses to poke at me in an effort to help me learn how not to curse and swear, even it if IS under my breath.
No. Instead I scream “SERENITY NOW”.
Not really. I didn’t. I promise.
Thought it maybe. But didn’t scream it.
This episode brought me to a place of ponderance. I have to admit, something grander came of it.
I’d like to share it with you in the hopes it will help you as you walk your own life in the relationships you choose to manage.
As people we have weak spots.
Nah, not weak spots.
We are wired a certain way and ain’t nothin’ gonna change it.
Take Ed, my wife’s son, as an example.
Ed is easy goin’. Nothing bothers Ed. Ever.
Ed breaks stuff. A LOT of stuff.
He’s accident prone. Let’s just say that.
However, he just doesn’t care.
He could burn his own house down and be forced to live life in a tent in the woods for a while.
He wouldn’t care. AT ALL!
It’s a good thing…mostly.
It’s not from a malicious place. He just doesn’t stress it. Ever.
It’s good for me to have Ed around.
The never ending episodes of some new minor disaster help me to learn to let things roll off…like the proverbial water off a ducks back.
Joelle’s water bottle episodes still get under my skin.
That’s our lives as married people.
There will be things your spouse either cannot or will not change.
Either they aren’t capable or simple do not desire to do it your way. Period.
In this water bottle episode, I have not yet been able to determine which is true in our case.
However, it does not matter.
The fact is the fact. No matter what, that bottle will leak all over whatever I put it in if it’s not upright. No question.
So who’s the idiot in this situation? Her for never closing it fully or me for believing after years of the same situation happening that this time something has changed?
The answer is obvious.
In our marriage, Joelle is often frustrated because I don’t smile and offer warm hospitality to everyone on the planet like she does.
I am not like she in this regard. I never, ever will be.
I come from a very grouchy family. Good sense of humor most of the time, but scowling, grouchy, furrowed brow people. Both sides. Not much will change about me in this regard.
I am more stoic, serious, and…as my now deceased best pal used to say “FOCUSED”.
That’s the best way to describe me. Focused. Extremely intense and focused. (Poor Levi).
I guess…the point here… is this.
We should always strive to do what we can to be agreeable in our marriages and relationships.
BUT, there does come a point where we must accept another’s weakness.
If we, in our self righteous mind, constantly expect others to live and act the way we deem best, we will find a lot of cursing, swearing, and screaming SERENITY NOW.
Maybe your spouse isn’t into people.
Maybe they are.
Maybe they close the water bottle.
Maybe they don’t.
Whatever the case may be, I believe it best we accept the limitations and do our level best to acknowledge them…and try to change ourselves in the process. All this knowing and sincerely believing we offer them some level of challenge to cope with ourselves.
One of the best movies I have seen in the past number of years was “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” with Tom Hanks Playing Fred Rogers. You know; “Mr. Rogers”.
We all loved that man as a kid. I sure did.
Kind, patient, considerate, and soft spoken.
Yet, as the movie revealed as told by Mr. Hanks, Fred had his own struggles.
I enjoyed the end of the movie.
Fred playing the piano after a taping of the show, pounding the keys in apparent frustration over something that had not gone his way.
It showed his humanness.
I think it important in life to remind ourselves that it’s less likely and highly improbable we are an image of Mr. Rogers, and instead more likely an image of the man he befriended in the movie.
Angry, in turmoil, and living our lives in frustration and desperation with a lot of personal demons to deal with.
When we have the wrong view of ourselves, it’s difficult for the Lord to do his work on us. When we are blinded by our own self congratulatory rhetoric we are incapable of really being the loving soul Jesus taught us to be during his brief life here on earth.
As such, I must remind myself while yet again, my pants are soaked because of my wife’s water bottle, so she must deal with my impatience, my scowl (inherited from my mother’s father), and my forceful “snowplow” personality as we all…any and all that know me…liken me to.
When I remind myself how difficult it is for her to live with me, it becomes much easier to live with her.
In closing, let me offer this.
If you are a spouse and you KNOW something you are doing stresses your partner, for God’s sake, try and do something about it. Put forth an honest effort to do so.
You know… marriages have been destroyed over water bottle episodes. Really, they have.
On the flip side, if you are a spouse that has a partner who simply can’t or won’t change, do your damndest to accept it and roll with it. (Keep On Rollin’ Son).
If all parties concerned practiced this way…a lot would change in marriages across America today.
Just sayin’.
~rob out
