A Photography Session in less the Ideal Conditions Provides a Lesson in Life

While working on this video, I had been thinking about the challenges accompanying not only this particular shoot and the time invested, but also the challenges I am facing and have faced in life.

This particular session and the time spent shooting the mountains with the camera certainly provided me with ample excuses to give up and not do it. Just quit.

Life doesn’t always go as planned. In fact, much of life presents us with challenges we’d rather give up on.

Sadly, many of us do.

In the process of making this video, I received a phone call from an associate on an unrelated matter.

During that conversation, it veered over to non business related matters. He expressed his concern over this generation coming up behind us. The generation that marks my children and their peers.

He was talking some to me about his own challenges as a parent.

This started my mind firing in a number of directions related to parenting and how grieved I am for the younger crowd and how it seems SO MANY of them are lost, confused, angry and/or hurting. Desperate and unable to find motivation and hope in life.

I have another friend who’s struggling as well with one of his sons. His son has chosen a tough road. It’s presenting challenges to my friend as his father.

If you are a parent raising young ones, there’s a lesson in here for you to hear. Trust me when I tell you. There was for me as I thought through all of this.

I always want to see parents find victory whenever life presents them with challenges related to children. We love our kids and always want the best for them.

I am bothered quite significantly over the lack of courage parents have when raising their children.

Those who have the means, even those who do not, usually do a less than ample job in creating what I will call “hardship” for their kids in the younger years. Rarely do these kids not get everything they want in life. Lavished with luxuries which quite frankly, in my opinion, should NEVER be given. Earned through work, maybe. Never just given.

Let me elaborate on the “hardship” comment.

Children need to learn, not because they are told, but because they truly experience it first hand; life is full of consequence. There will be consequences to choices made.

Worse yet, there will come circumstances in life which will cause us GREAT confusion because these are brought out of seemingly nowhere. Of course, God’s hand in our lives will allow such things because the Lord knows best for us.

Ask any of my children of the events in their very young lives (almost always brought on by their own decisions/choices)…and they will recount with humor such experiences.

~The Nintendo and all it’s games tossed (quite dramatically, for show, I might add) into the dumpster, gone forever

~The sharpie marks at Disney which counted off the disobedient acts wherein they refused to comply with the parental requests and at the 3rd mark on one of their arms, meaning EVERYONE goes home for the day

~Writing Scripture verses about lying 1000, then 2000, then 4000, then 8000, then 16,000 times. (It doubled ever time this child tried to “game” the system) And by the way…mercy WAS shown on the 8000 and 16,000. Just so you don’t get too wound up.

~Having to sell their Gameboy on Craigslist because they lied and cheated

~Being grounded from Gameboy for a year (later changed to a few months)

~Being forced to read the heinous lyrics of the music one was sneaking and listening to, out loud, curse words and genitalia references included, to his mother as if reciting a poem.

~Being forced to ride ones bike with me to work in the Florida heat when gas was outrageous in 2008 and 9 because one wouldn’t cooperate with mom on schooling and we simply couldn’t afford gasoline.

And the list goes on throughout childhood, for all 4 of them. There are some really funny ones among the stories. To many to share.

They were forced to learn there are consequences to bad choices. And even at some points learning that the choices of OTHERS will cause their circumstances to be crappy as with the Disney event.

And you know what? Even into adulthood, I had to bring the wrath, ultimately kicking one of my adult children out because he wouldn’t pay his rent timely, changing the locks and everything.

Not easy, but necessary.

Interestingly, parents today are talking about how their kids need to be medicated or are depressed seriously. They need counseling. Perhaps they may be even suicidal.

Why?

I believe it’s largely because as they have come into adulthood, they see the world and it’s scary as hell to them. Reality is unavoidable and they have not been taught any of the tools of survival. Parents have, out of a distorted sense of what love really is, done an absolutely miserable job of teaching their kids from early on about overcoming adversity and obstacles. The kids have not been taught responsibility and accountability.

No, instead, these parents keep the kids living with them, rent free, not forcing them to work thinking they are loving them and nurturing them to better mental health.

They are in fact making the problem worse. Significantly worse in fact. Confusion results. It’s bad cycle. Thinking one is doing good out of love, is actually the opposite.

Men, in particular are those struggling in my view. They are told in colleges being a man is inherently evil and the desires they have are wrong. God have mercy on their souls if they were born white! They need to be more sensitive like a lady. The country they love is bad, they are bad, everything is bad, you know, all that crap.

Some of these men are living at home, rent free, off mommy and daddy. Parents see no problem with it. In one instance of which I am aware the young man is making enough, well more than enough to be out on his own, yet he lives at home with not a single responsibility financially (unless that’s changed recently). Is it any wonder gambling became his vice? Why is anyone surprised when these episodes arise?

They could not be more wrong. They are doing incredible long term damage to their child by allowing their dependency to continue. Yes, we must always be willing and ready to help our kids. But there is a difference between help and enabling. When we enable them we establish a system in their minds of dependency and entitlement. We build, often without even realizing the long term consequences to our actions, a human who later in life lives in a life of victimhood and depression.

I believe the Bible is clear on this. There are many verses backing up what I am saying, but I would like to point out this set from Proverbs to you.

“There’s a way that looks harmless enough;
    look again—it leads straight to hell.

Appetite is an incentive to work;
    hunger makes you work all the harder.” Proverbs 16:25-26 The Message

How the hell is THAT compassionate parenting?

You wonder why they are confused, depressed, acting out for attention? They have nothing to do, no purpose…so the devil works on them non stop.

In one of my all time favorite books How To Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie make the case (and I think rightly so) that the human mind cannot focus on two things at one time. It simply cannot. If a young man has to go to work because he has to eat, make rent, pay for his car, it becomes less (but not totally) difficult to sit around feeling sorry for himself, getting involved in activities he should otherwise not have time for. His self loathing or unwillingness to work will end up with him being evicted or a car repossessed or going a week without food. All of which will create the harsh realities that govern most normal human decision making. In most cases, these episodes only need to happen one time to “cure’ that ill.

Man is made by God to face obstacles and challenges. Man is made to work. Most men are very unhappy if they lack responsibility or things to do each day.

Men take great pride in their accomplishments.

My son, Levi, replaced the timing belt at 18 years old on his Toyota Camry, for all intents by himself, only asking me to inspect the final outcome.

That is a project most adults would never even attempt.

Since then, he has basically rebuilt the entire suspension and done significant engine work both to save money and to overcome challenges.

This is how all of my kids are now.

Do they struggle emotionally, sure. And while they may lean on dad for his “dad advice” as my daughter calls it, they are never bailed out or enabled by me to make excuses or NOT take care of their challenges.

Today’s video is one that addresses a few challenges in the photography session.

It was windy beyond windy and the morning was very cold.

There wasn’t a lot to write home about at sunrise.

But, hey, I was there and I figured…I’ll make something out of it.

Yes, it was inconvenient not being able to cook outside and instead having to try and make my diner inside the back of the Caravan.,

Yes, it was a drag to have to harbor up inside the van all evening because the wind was so bad.

However, these are akin to the challenges one not only faces on the road trying to “live in a van down by the river” but in the grander scheme, in our lives.

I hope you are encouraged through it’s content. Something good can, and often does come out of less than stellar circumstances.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Let me close with this.

Some parents look to medicine for their kids emotional problems. Bad move.

Most medical professional are paid well to prescribe medicine. They find reasons, any reasons at all to give us medicine. They and pharma make billions a year off of our willingness to allow them to take God’s place in our lives, fixing our troubles.

I know a few people who have killed themselves while on Anti Depressants.

That’s the thing with these meds.

They cover the symptoms in most cases but never really deal with the problems. They allow those who take them to live “comfortably numb” to quote Pink Floyd. (not to mention they are highly addictive and dependency forming)

Ultimately, however, these meds do NOT deal with the root cause. There comes a time when the max allowed doses do not work. The problems they faced 20 years earlier are still there, and they max doses do nothing.

This is why, later in life, when the strength and dosing no longer work, they opt to kill themselves.

They never learned how to cope with life and it’s hardships.

The difference with God’s way?

When he fixes it, it’s permanent.

Read me here. It’s NOT EASY…but it’s permanent. Drugs…easy. But not permanent…only a mask.

Life, like photography, rarely cooperates. When it does, it’s glorious. But more often then not, it’s a monotony of doing the same thing over and over with little visible return.

The social media world is a sham. It’s not reality. Yet, all these young people use it and compare their existence to the life as portrayed on line by everyone else. This takes away from the truth of reality and when reality hits, they have no clue how to cope. We, as leaders and parents have a responsibility to be the bearers and teachers of reality. Holding firm and showing our kids we are for them and will stand with them as they struggle. But struggle they must. The sooner one gets through it, the sooner they get better. Keep pressing forward.

Think on this.

rob out