As a dad, a son, an employer, a husband, I watch time and time again those I love making choices for which I know they will later regret having made. The Enneagram 8 in me screams on the inside “STOP”. Who am I kidding. I often scream stop at them too (right John?). I often try with all my might to convince the people closest to me, who I love the most, to reconsider what they are doing.

If I am totally honest here, a lot of my reaction is out of my own selfishness. I know the way I am and I will never be able to shake the anxiety and/or worry which will accompany their choices. Choices, of course, not mine to own. Of that we can all agree. But as someone who cares so deeply for the few people I consider closest, I do not wish for them to suffer.

As an example. Both of my sons chose to accept the corona virus mandated so called “vaccines”. We talked before they did. I encouraged them to avoid it even if it meant a discharge. Both of them, of course, much younger than I opted to go forward with it. One a trained Marine, another a trained Special Forces operative. Both men of men. Both trained killers. Both likely think they are immune to the potential problems the so called “vaccinces” might bring into their lives years later.

As this scenario has played out, and after reading Robert Kennedy’s book “The Real Anthony Fauci” not a week goes by that I don’t worry a commanding officer from either of their branches showing up at our door “Mr. Anthony, we have some bad news”…followed by the words…”your son has ‘died suddenly’”.

That’s now never going way for me. As I type this, well, you can see how selfish my motives as exposed likely are. Were I able to let go, it might be easier. But I cannot. I have never been able to. It’s always been hard as a parent with this issue for me. I so want to shield all of them from the pain in learning from our choices.

A King and a Playboy Model

The story of David and Bathsheba can be found in 2 Samuel 11 and runs through 12.

I don’t want to and won’t dig too deeply into it for the sake of this writing, but the story has come to my mind today related to the costs of compromise.

As humans we all find a way to justify what we are doing. At first, we know instinctively that our mind has taken an exit from our highway toward God with Jesus by our side acting as our center point toward “home”.

There is no better way to say it than we know that we know…”I shouldn’t have gotten off at this exit”.

I know this to be true because my life has been peppered with such choices. Bad choices that had a bad end.

Some were small bad choices and they made my life inconvenient for a day or two…even a week.

Some were medium bad choice and made my life challenging and uncomfortable for months or more.

A couple of them were of Titanic sized proportions. They proved to be the beginning point of a road into darkness from which I felt I may never escape. Unbearable pain, agony, and significant loss were brought down upon me. Crushing me every day of my life, non stop, for years.

Horrifically miserable were these times and they all started with a single choice on a day in time, during an hour of that day, down to the second of the hour said choice was made.

I knew they were wrong. I KNEW they were. Yet, in my willful stubbornness I convinced myself I would be immune to any “consequences” or “costs” to these choices.

I was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Never once did I look far enough down the road to try and comprehend how viciously bad life may turn and the pain and sorrow it would bring not only on my head but the heads of my children and a few others I dragged into those pits of hell with me. I kept it secret from everyone. Why? Anyone I knew at the time in the church sharing my walk with Jesus Christ would vehemently oppose my choices and the logic I was using at the time to justify it to myself as fine.

It was horrible. Absolutely horrible.

I was able to lie to myself and chose to believe the lies I KNEW I WAS BEING FED by Satan himself. Somehow convincing myself of “nah, not me”.

Wrong.

It’s here I’d like to bring up King David. One of the greatest leaders to walk the earth in our faith. A man, God said, who was “after his own heart”. God said that only about David. No one else. Not Moses, not Abraham, none of the prophets. Only Davey Boy.

A man favored by God who was not immune to the tales I tell and those opportunities to choose.

One fateful day he sees the naked and beautiful woman named Bathsheba taking a bath. What guy doesn’t love a good peep? Using his connections and power as king, he summoned her, she agrees (chooses poorly as well) and enters into a sex romp with the king. Yahhhooo, right?

Nope.

If David is like me, he believed he would never be found out. He surely convinced himself at that time he was immune to any and all potential consequences.

Perhaps.

OR

Maybe, just maybe, he thought some about them and figured he could deal with whatever outcome. It couldn’t be all that bad, right? He’s David after all. God’s anointed. The chosen one.

This is what we all are capable of doing.

Sadly, we all do.

We break the Lord’s heart when we do and we bring chaos and pain upon ourselves in the process.

Pain, often, once we are in the middle of it, wish to hell could be turned off. Yet, this may be only the beginning of a long road and life of pain ahead. Nothing we can do will reverse the coming actions set to engulf us once it’s started.

Consider, after was all said and done, God’s beat down of David.

David had Bathsheba’s hubby killed on purpose in battle and then took her to be his own wife.

Figuring he had schemed and planned successfully duping everyone in the process, he was likely flying high because he obtained what he wanted.

BUT the one thing David seemed to forget about is…GOD SEES IT ALL.

We are NOT immune to the costs of our compromises. The piper will be paid and will be paid accordingly for the choices we have made.

Let’s look at what God says to David after Nathan the prophet confronts David letting him know the jig (is it gig?) is up. Nathan knows what he did and it’s not a secret in the least.

(Side bar. Nathan was a true warrior in my view. Knowing David could and just might have him executed for this confrontation, he chose anyway to do so. This is a warrior spirit, one which we should pattern our own lives after. One too many of us let fall to the wayside when the governments were closing our churches not so long ago.)

So, back to the word from the Lord to our stallion stud king.

“…Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul.  And I gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more.  Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites.  Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’  Thus says the Lord, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun.” 2 Samuel 12: 7-12

At that moment in time the trajectory of David’s life changed forever. His life became a living hell in many ways.

If you know the story well you know the rift between him and his own son Absalom. You know the losses he suffered. You know the shame and humiliation he was forced to endure. You know the loss of the child conceived in his sexual dalliance with the babe.

All of which could have been avoided if only on that day he would have said, “no” to self.

I can be fairly sure if he were to have had it laid out for him at that moment the pain his life would contain should he act on his thoughts, he probably would have declined.

Can I tell you something?

There have been a few times in my life as a photographer that I have photographed incredibly stunning and beautiful women. Some of them barely clothed or not clothed at all.

In that phase of my life I convinced myself it was “art” and “figure study”. Honestly most of it was. Women are beautiful. It’s great fun getting awesome, stunning, and complimenting shots of them.

I made some amazing photographs and enjoyed some wonderful friendships. However, there were a few, maybe 2, of the women who became a real problem for me. Well, in the battlefield of my head anyway. It was torment a lot of my days.

For me, the past hell through which I walked was enough to remind me going down that road again would be horribly painful, would shame me terribly, would cause my children to lose all respect for me and would harm my now wife significantly.

Yet…YET, there were still days that I could convince myself I’d get away with it, no one would know the better, and damn, it’d be awesome.

EVEN AFTER THE YEARS OF HELL I live through from choices similar in nature, I could still lose my way.

James tells us to resist the Devil. When we do he will flee. He’s a relentless drug dealer, however, knowing the poison we want and prefer. He’s always willing to get us our fix.

It’s our job to choose to not compromise and take the bait. Eventually he will give up.

BUT, when he sees our willingness to compromise, he will up the ante a bit. Over and over he does this until such time we are in too deep. At which point he unleashes hell upon our lives bringing pain that we never would have believed or could ever imagine.

How do I know? I have lived it.

If you think you are immune, beyond the reach of said pain and suffering, you are already well down the road to this type of pain and hell…and while Jesus Christ is a redeemer, I don’t envy the life you are and will bring upon yourself in the interim.
I would never wish the pain I endured on even my worst enemies.

Today, I hope as you struggle with the choices you have to make this gives pause to consider and contemplate.

It’s never too late to tell yourself no. I guarantee you the pain in doing so at this moment in time will be less in it’s scope than the pain I believe is waiting for you further down the road upon which you are now traveling.

It’s a moment in time. One in which you stop, think for a second and ask,

“Is this text worth it if it’s found?”

“Is this website worth my sons finding in the browser history?”

“Is this guy really, I mean really, better than the husband I currently have?”

“Is it worth destroying the lives of my children?”

“Is this choice worth the confusion and agony this brings down upon my kids?”

“Is the potential of pregnancy something I can deal with right now?”

“Is killing this child in me, right now, the best thing? Will the pain and hurt years down the road from doing so be more than I can bear?”

“Are the words spoken in haste, loudly, toward my son necessary and worth the pain it will scar him with…simply because I am tired, lacking self control at this moment in time?” (I’m sorry about the paper clip shredder incident Levi)

Hindsight is 20/20. Knowing what I know today I can all but assure you I would choose differently in the future if presented with the same opportunities from my past.

I write this more to remind me to be on guard and always be checking up than to anyone else.

Naturally, I know, posting this publicly is a risk. It’s almost a taunt directed toward Satan himself challenging him to “bring it”.

I fully expect it. I don’t know from where it will come, but it’s coming now.

So, me, you, us…we’re all in this together. Let’s fight for each other today, tomorrow, until the end.

rob out