Facing Fear is Part of Life

Note in this photo. There are a few things that I would like to draw to your attention, not including the fact that it's the unbelievable view from Observation Point in Zion National Park.

There are also things in this shot that are relative to my muse.

First, note my daughters hand.  Her right hand.

Why?

I'll tell you why.  

I am very phobic related to heights.  This particular spot drops off, pretty much straight down to the canyon floor.  You get a general idea of the height just from the photo.  She knows (or knew)  that I have nervousness about it.  She wanted me to be "ok".

I purposely placed myself in that spot, because, frankly, damnit, I am really tired of being afraid of the edge.

This holds true in my hiking and the various places I go as well as where I find myself at this point of my life.

I have been in the flower business for a long time.  It's gone through a lot of changes, mostly bad.  It's not at all what it used to be.  I don't know if I see or believe it will ever come back to what it once was.

I look at speaking, or doing workshops, teaching or helping people and I think that is more up my alley.  Maybe  that's why I like the photography workshop idea I am trying to deploy.  I guess God will determine how it turns out.  I am assured, anyway, that "the Lord directs my steps..."  Tough to believe for me most of the time.  I lack faith.  It's actually embarrassing how much I lack it.

Perhaps, this is partly why heights, as in this photo, really get to me so much.  Maybe it's the fear of death that getting closer to the edge seems to bring out.

Sometimes, however, as I have learned, one must force themselves into positions of discomfort.  Why?  We grow in our discomfort.  That's the only time it happens.  When we do, someone or something always seems to come along as a sign post (to quote a good friend of mine)  along the way.  See video below.

Working out much?  If you are, and working out right, you understand what I mean.

In the hike to this spot, as an example, you will be uncomfortable.  It's a long hike with a lot of ascent the first few miles.  There are some pretty dicey spots on the trail as well.   You will work hard and it will hurt.  I promise.

Let me tell you though, I still, 2 years later, remember walking over the ridge that exposed the view.  I actually choked up and had to work to hold back the tears of disbelief in what I saw.

Metaphor for life right there.

I guess, as I write this, perhaps, I am writing the letter to myself.

Maybe, as I have with forcing myself to walk trails close to the edge, and purposely start looking down mountain cliff sides, where I could most certainly fall to my death, I need to force myself to take a few leaps of faith from what is comfortable, into the unknown.  Sort of like my pal is doing at Black On Ammo Apparel Company right now.

All the reading in the world won't get you ready for the hike to Observation Point.  Even photos I have taken.  They won't do it justice.  You just have to make the decision one day that you are going to take the steps into that direction, and predetermine along that way that you REFUSE to give up.

Second?

See that young man?  He's my son.  I received a call from him last night... late.  He made it through what is called Assessment and Selection a very elite position with the United States Airforce and he was calling to let me know he was done.  He's on his way to a  job, if all goes right, that will put him in an very small, very elite group of men in the US military.  For security purposes, I can't get into the specifics, suffice it to say...it's a special assignment.   According to him, the A and S was the hardest 17 days he has ever lived.  And we have done and gone through a lot as a family.  He faced death, for example,  from the threat of cancer at 7 and he ranked these 17 days worse than those days in 2005 among other things.  Well, he didn't specifically say that last night, but I could sure hear it in his very tired, worn out voice.

See that young lady?  She's my daughter.  She has just made the decision to leave the flower business, which is comfortable to her, and begin pursuing her Masters, and if I have my way down the road, her Doctorate.  She's a student of students, graduating  Summa Cum Laude from  Florida International University while paying her own way through, working full time to boot.  A genius among geniuses.  

And my middle son, Jacob, absent from this shot?  A United States Marine.  Need I say any more?

(Mental note, to self, write blog post next about why I believe Millennials like Socialism and how my kids, as demonstrated above do not fall into that crowd)

They inspire me to not be such a chicken S*&T.

What's holding you to the ground, stuck in the place you find yourself?  What are you afraid of right now?  What do you keep quitting at?

Man, I am tired of being stuck and afraid.  I think I need to shake it up a bit.  I am sooooo tired of being stuck.  And at 50, almost 51, I am not getting any younger.

Check out this video I cut in 2016 from the top of Chimney Tops in The Great Smoky Mountain National Park.  Of note.  This is no longer the hardest hike I have done (Telescope Peak Anyone?) and I have made significant gains in what I can and do walk on and up to since this 2016 September hike!